i used to be the friend that takes on average 72 hours to respond to a text. but now you've turned me into a different type of beast. i'm anxiously attached to my phone until the release hits and i get a text from you. the anxiety seeps out and transforms into a bubbly light feeling in my head. i don't like that my mood still dips down with the affect or inflection of others. i'm not happy that i will have to feel this little discomfort till the day i die. i'm not happy that he's so different from what i know is good for me. i hate that most days i get through by a combination of visual, auditory and physical distractions. i hate how numbed out and callous i can be when i'm hurt. i hate that sometimes writing things down is the only way i can recognise how i am doing. this whole time i was trying to keep him afloat but it killed a piece of me. my toxic positivity leaves me starved of attention and so infuriatingly meek. i've fallen for a friend that i see no future with. till this day seeing my mother laugh with my sister makes me happy and stings me just as bad. when i can't get a word in it brings me back to the worst feeling of all. so many disconnected feelings exist within me and i wish i could have it all sorted out once and for all.
It's at this point that
I'm starting to understand what people mean when they say a
tattoo lasts forever.
When I look at my body and see only what used to be but is no longer there.
When I am constantly reminded of some of my hardest moments.
At the time I thought they would be reminders of what I overcame- but today they feel like reminders of pain.
They feel like I'm telling the world of a moment I feel stuck in, they feel like a scream for help that was ignored. They feel like a part of my life that I can't stop carrying.
I feel trapped by who I was in that moment.
When I look at my body and see only what used to be but is no longer there.
When I am constantly reminded of some of my hardest moments.
At the time I thought they would be reminders of what I overcame- but today they feel like reminders of pain.
They feel like I'm telling the world of a moment I feel stuck in, they feel like a scream for help that was ignored. They feel like a part of my life that I can't stop carrying.
I feel trapped by who I was in that moment.
now my belly will ache in the name of poor self
regulation.
you won't question it until the 34th hour.
cause that's all you ever noticed.
telling you i'm not doing well wasn't enough.
it always took a hunger strike to earn your attention.
one day i will be above this all.
one day i won't yearn for your concern at all.
you won't question it until the 34th hour.
cause that's all you ever noticed.
telling you i'm not doing well wasn't enough.
it always took a hunger strike to earn your attention.
one day i will be above this all.
one day i won't yearn for your concern at all.
i wanna stack my
pennies up so high and mighty.
so no one can dare peer over the wall that surrounds
me and my castle.
i wait and wait for the perfect moment.
the perfect moment where i'm not afraid of the
tight rope and mask snapping.
i know ma and pa couldn't save me from this.
they couldn't before, they wouldn't ever now.
this burden grows as does my bitterness.
late at night i wonder who i'd be if i received
all of their love.
who would i be if i even just felt seen.
i want to own my land but i'd have to stack paper
over the graves of my sanity and dignity to do that.
i yearn to meet the version of myself who is well rested
and well adjusted. the version of myself who has
grown beyond this childish feeling of inadequacy.
so no one can dare peer over the wall that surrounds
me and my castle.
i wait and wait for the perfect moment.
the perfect moment where i'm not afraid of the
tight rope and mask snapping.
i know ma and pa couldn't save me from this.
they couldn't before, they wouldn't ever now.
this burden grows as does my bitterness.
late at night i wonder who i'd be if i received
all of their love.
who would i be if i even just felt seen.
i want to own my land but i'd have to stack paper
over the graves of my sanity and dignity to do that.
i yearn to meet the version of myself who is well rested
and well adjusted. the version of myself who has
grown beyond this childish feeling of inadequacy.
Are you saying that the Palestinian resistance is
terrorist? Yes, I agree with you, and I am also a terrorist. Our
presence has terrorized Israel and those who stand with
falsehood, murder, and the theft of lands. When Bassem Youssef
told Pier Morgan that Hamas is a terrorist, this is exactly what
he meant 😉 Peace be upon the honorable and humanitarian
people
I never exaggerated my love for you. I will be moderate
in everything except my love for you. Dear, beloved
Palestine
Palestinian
poet
Mahmoud
Darwish
and
his
love
for
his
country:
On this
earth
is what
is worth
living,
on this
earth
is the
lady
of the
earth,
mother
of beginnings
and
mother
of endings.
For those who say that Israel is more than three thousand
years old, I tell you that Palestine is the land of Canaan and
the Palestinians 5000 years BC. The establishment of the State of
Israel at that time was an occupation, and the state only lasted
for 200 years and was on a small part of Palestine. In the Holy
Book of the Torah, which is the book of the Jews, just as the
Bible is for the Christians, it contains the land of Canaan and
how the Jews came to the land of Canaan. Please, you fools and
you Zionists, do not try to falsify history like your fake faces.
You know the truth and are trying to deny it. You are mentally
and heartily sick.
